Next month, I will begin teaching Bible stories to a small group of former red-light area workers who have now become followers of Jesus. I met some of these ladies last week, and they were such an encouragement. The goal is for them to learn the stories so that they can share the Gospel with others. I am so excited that He has given me this opportunity!
Prayer Necessities:
1. Please be in prayer for these ladies as they begin learning these stories that span the Biblical narrative from creation to Christ. Pray that the truths would sink into their hearts and change them and that they would be bold to share with their families and friends.
2. Pray that I will memorize the stories quickly and well. Pray that the truths I am learning would also sink in and change my heart daily.
3. Please pray that the Lord would bring a teammate (or several) to partner with me in this ministry. A Thai believer, in particular, would be so helpful in this work.
Inquiring Minds Wanna Know:
In response to my last blog, a friend asked me to expound upon how I found true love in a variety of situations. To answer that question, I think it's time for me to share how I came to know Jesus. He has truly been so gracious toward me, even though I was and still am completely undeserving, and I love to share the story of my relationship with Him.
I grew up in what most people would call a "Christian" home but, in reality, my parents did not truly know Christ. When I was 9, though, that dramatically changed. Both of my parents chose to follow Jesus, and their lives have never been the same. They went from caring only about the accumulation of material things to walking in obedience to Christ in all that they did. Even as a fourth-grader, I saw the difference.
When I was 12, I heard a sermon on hell and was terrified. I knew, without any doubt, that I was going there and that I deserved it. And I knew that Jesus was my only hope, so I asked Him to save me.
But, somehow, I didn't really get it. I had seen my parents' lives change completely, but I thought they were just religious fanatics. I figured, "Oh, that's great for them, but it's not for me. I don't need to do all of that." I lived my life as if I were still in control of it.
I saw myself as a parent's dream child. I got good grades and was on the fast-track to college. I didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs, and I looked down on those who did. I didn't sleep with boys either and thought of those who did as the worst of all. After all, I was a Christian. I was active in my youth group at church, and we all knew that those were the big sins that kept you far away from God.
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| Me with my trumpet, age 17 |
I constantly longed to be happy and, not finding it in religion, I was convinced that marriage and family was the answer. I wanted the true love that I saw in Hollywoord romances and heard about in the 1980s power ballads that I listened to. Once I had that, everything would be hunky-dory.
When I turned 18, I left for college in Mississippi, and I loved it. I was in the band and traveled on frequent road trips to play at football games. That made it easy to miss church meetings and, by the end of my freshman year, I didn't bother going at all.
As a sophomore, I began dating a guy named O, and I was quickly convinced he was the man I wanted to marry. I was finally going to have the happiness I had spent so many years searching for. But my parents did not approve of the relationship because O was not a Christian, and that caused a tremendous amount of friction between my parents and me. If you have kids in their teens or early 20s, you're probably well acquainted with the rebellion you'll see in those years. I was convinced that I knew how to run my own life, and I certainly didn't need any help from Mom and Dad. Or, apparently, from God Himself, Who also made it very clear to me that He did not want me in this relationship with O.
Within six months, O and I became physically involved, binding me to him emotionally far more than I otherwise would have been. Trying to avoid the "big sins" went out the window when he became my whole world. In reality, he was my god. I spent vast amounts of money on him, stopped going to class, even lost my college scholarship because all I wanted to do was spend time with him. I guess that's what happens when you think you've found the one thing you need to make your life complete.
Yet, somehow, I was still unhappy. As a matter of fact, I was more miserable than ever. I cried all the time. See, I wanted O to love me the way I had always wanted to be loved, the way you see in the movies with the happy endings. I walked around constantly unhappy because he never loved me enough. I didn't realize that what I really craved was love that he could never give me because it was love that only God could provide.
O and I were together ten years. During that time, we both finished college, and I went on to complete pharmacy school and two years of residency training. Then, in 2001, I was offered my first "real" job as a pharmacist, and I finally got what I wanted for a decade when O asked me to marry him. I quickly said yes, even though I was convinced that my parents would disown me over it.
But their response was something far different than I ever expected.
They told me they felt like I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, and they wanted me to pray about it. But, whatever I chose to do, they would support me.
Surprised, I told my mom of my expectation that they would disown me. I knew how much they disapproved of my relationship with O.
She blinked and quietly responded, "You're our daughter. We would never disown you."
That got my attention. If they were willing to overlook their own desires and still support me, I figured that their motive must really love, instead of control, as I'd always thought. That being the case, I figured it would be wise to take their advice and pray about my upcoming marriage.
The Father's answer came back very quickly - and very clearly.
"You have to choose who is number one in your life. Is it Me, or is it him?"
That wasn't what I expected - or wanted - to hear, so I kept praying. For a month. Seriously, an entire 30 days of begging God, each and every time, something along the lines of, "God, please, can't I have him?"
Not once did His response waver. "You have to choose."
And I finally relented. "OK," I said with a sigh. "If I have to choose, then I have to choose You because You're eternal, and he's not."
I called and broke things off with O that day. I wish I could say that I never wavered in that decision but, in a moment of fear and desperation, I called him a few days later and begged him to take me back. He refused, and I never tried again.
I can say with unquestioning confidence that it was the best decision I ever made.
My life was completely changed by that one moment of obedience, though I didn't realize it then. From that moment, the Spirit began to give me insights into Himself, and I loved it. I craved the Word and read constantly, trying to discern what He was saying to me, how its Truth should change my life.
By that time, I had moved to Virginia, a 13-hour drive from my family, to start my new job. I was suddenly in a new place where I knew no one, in a new job, making new friends, and now without my 10-year relationship. I felt like I had lost everything, but that time of utter dependence on Christ was when I became richer than I had ever been. I got to watch Him prove Himself entirely sufficient.
Within a month, the Spirit led me to a church that truly became family to me. My relationships with people there continue to this day, even though we are now half a world apart. During our time together, we learned to love and serve one another, to have true fellowship. Now that wasn't always pretty. We got mad, we fought, then we came back and worked through it because giving up on each other wasn't an option. We were a family, and you can't quit on your family.
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| Part of my family in Virginia: My Sunday School class |
When I first sensed the Spirit's leading to go into overseas mission service, I told my church family first. They supported me completely, and I saw my Father's love in each of their faces as they threw me one last party before I left. When I stepped on that plane headed for South America, I already missed them, and Job's words never rang more true for me than at that moment:
"The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21)
Yet my Father remained steadfast in His love then, too. Just as He had promised, He went with me to Guatemala and was with me through the difficult months of language study. He remained with me in Peru as I struggled through months of jungle training, and He was still there when I moved on to Bolivia. He gave me a true family in each of those places, too, and He Himself stayed right there with us the whole time, through every moment of discomfort and joy and encouragement and heartache. And He was always accomplishing His work - in us and through us.
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| My family in Bolivia: (L to R) Leah, me, Misty, and Amy |
By late in the year, the back had improved significantly, and I was planning to return overseas. Since the Spirit had now called me to a different work, in ministry to women in the sex industry, I had been exploring job options within my organization and had one lined up. It was the perfect fit, and I was working on visa paperwork when I got an unexpected phone call. The medical personnel in my organization had turned down my request to take that particular job, saying that the roads were so bad in that location that it could cause significant long-term damage to my already damaged back.
That call turned my world upside-down. I was devastated and completely at a loss. I had no idea what to do at that point so, instead of turning to the One Who had always been faithful to me, I turned on Him. I mean, I raged at my Father. He was the One Who had called me to to take this job, and now He was pulling it out from under me? How could He betray me like that? Those were just a few of the nicer thoughts I shared with Him.
Looking back on it now, I am completely ashamed by my lack of trust in Him and how I treated Him during that time. He has always proven Himself faithful and trustworthy, and I am so unworthy of Him and His great love for me. That I could respond as I did shames me and only highlights how much greater He is than I could ever be. I would not have forgiven me for the things I said and thought - but He does.
I didn't know then why the Father allowed that back injury or the arthritis it revealed. I still don't. At the moment, my back is mostly doing well, but I still have painful twinges, and I'm always reminded of the problems when I first get out of bed in the morning. But my Father is sovereign and this is how He has chosen to show His love to me now. I don't have to understand it; I just have to trust in His goodness and in His unfailing love.
When I talk about the great love my Father has for me and how I've come to know it, these are just a few of the scenarios that have taught me about it. There will be many more moments to come in which I will come to know and understand it more deeply. I'm sure there will be times when I'll respond well to how He demonstrates His love and, unfortunately, there will be moments when I won't. I've seen His chastisement and His forgiveness in my disobedience, I've seen His pleasure and His approval in my obedience, and I've seen His grace and love through it all. It has not failed me yet - and it never will.
"O God, we meditate on your unfailing love as we worship in your Temple." (Ps. 48:9)
When was the last time you meditated on His unfailing love for you?
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| Saying goodbye to my parents at the airport before leaving for Thailand |
3 comments:
Kelli, so much I just didn't know about you! What a trophy of grace you are! I will pray over your requests. Please pray for God's financial provision in my life. Love you so much. My granddaughter is a student at UAH and has met a girl from Thailand who has only been in US for about 3 years.
Kelli, Awesome story of redemption. I love your honesty and how you put it all out there. Look at how God is moving in your life! xoxo
Oh, sweet friend, thank you so, so much for this post! The one thought that keeps running through my mind is, since when did I begin thinking that I'm owed something? He's given me Himself and yet I consistently chase after other, lesser things. Thank you for sharing a story that you entrusted to me several years ago but I very much needed a reminder of. It's a reminder that His gifts and His calling are irrevocable. It's a reminder that He is here - in the midst of the darkness and silence and in the sunny, sweet times, too. (Geesh, you can prob tell it's been a long day for me. ;)) Love you!!
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